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Gumby I'm Not...

Monday, December 19, 2011

Today's blog may be a little over the top for some, so forgive me Santa and please don't put me on your naughty list!

As a practicing CrossFitter I pride myself in being pretty well rounded in most things athletic related; strength, speed, stamina, coordination, flexibility....okay, that last one is a stretch (get it...flexibility...a stretch...no?...never mind)

In the interest of being completely transparent, however, I need to admit right here, right now, that my flexibility is at an all time low. Touch my toes while keeping my legs straight? Yeah, right...I"m not even close. I'm serious.....it's fucking embarrassing. You'd think I'd just spent the last 8 years in a total body cast or something.  

I tried following one of my wife's Yoga DVD's the other day and couldn't even get past the damn warm-up: In her disgustingly smug high-fructose-corn-syrupy voice, the instructor in the video says: "While balancing serenely on your right leg, slowly grasp your left foot in your left hand and gently place it behind your head...goooood...now, let's hold that for 60 seconds...

WTF?!!

After almost tearing an important component in my happy place, I quickly ejected the evil DVD and used it as a coaster for my kaluha-laced protein drink which I felt I needed to soothe my badly bruised ego.

Obviously, all such DVD's are produced by lesbians who hate male CrossFitters...but I digress. I needed to get to the root of this problem, and after giving it much serious thought, I stumbled upon the problem:

It's a man thing.

Most guys view stretching in the same Jeopordy category as dry humping Hillary Clinton or being Gay: "I'll take Shit I'm Never Going To Be Part Of for $200, Alex. "

With that being said, I humbly admit that I need more flexibility in my life if I'm going to keep up with my kids.  It really hit home the other night while I was playing with them and I calculated that over a 2 hour period I got up and down off the floor approximately 7000 times.

The selfish little bastards apparently don't care that being 47 years younger than me, 4 feet closer to the ground and only weighing the same as a large poodle gives them a slight advantage in speed and mobility." Keep up, Dad, or we won't love you anymore." (I don't think they'd actually say that, but do I really want to find out?!)

So, as we bravely head towards the New Year I have made but just one resolution; to stretch 15 minutes every day for the entire year. Strength and speed are great, but are even better if you can execute them within a base of grace and fluidity. 

If this guy had any muscles at all he'd be my hero...

WOD
Tabatas On Crack
For Total Reps / 8 rds of each exercise, 20 secs on-10 secs off each set
Pullups
Pushups
Situps
Squats

It's Irrefutable

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Roy,

I've had several conversations recently with people I silently refer to as "obstacles". These are the people who feel uncomfortable with their own appearance, so they talk down Paleo as a fad diet and say that I'm eating irresponsibly and working out too much for a 40 year old.

Or people that try to convince me the Tough Mudder is a silly waste of time - "Why would you want to do that? How does getting muddy and cold help your life?" I dont have to even go into my opinion on that. These just aren't "my people".

But now the Tough Mudder has given me a simple way to end the discussion - I did the Tough Mudder doing nothing but the Roy program to prepare for it - I finished in just over two hours (stoked!!), having eaten ONLY Paleo and doing ONLY crossfit + 10 miles of running a week for 6 months.

I didnt eat a pasta dinner the day before, or even load up on sugary energy goop. It's irrefutable, isnt it? I'm still reeling from that - This shit works! To them I say, thank you for the input, but I'm going to stick with taking communion at the Church of Roy and the Eternal Crossfit.

If someone wants to find out about it, I'm eager to share the good word, but as for the obstacles, all see is their denial and excuses - they can all sit and rotate for all I care! Looking forward to getting back to Tampa for xmas -

Take care! 

Name withheld at clients request
 

 Hmmmm - now I can bring the smell of CrossFit home for the Holidays!

WOD
Buttafucco
For Time:
300 Twisters 70/55
50 Ceiling Kickers
50 Wheels of Death
200 Sledge
100 Man-Tube Curls - Black/Blue
100 DB Lying Tricep Extensions 70/35

Honest Reactions

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

One of the reasons that I crossFit is for my kids. Being able to go outside and play for hours and wear my little ankle-biters out is great, so in my mind that makes me a better Dad. And while wearing them out is fun, seeing their reactions to everyday shit in life can often be hysterically funny and classic. So for those of you who are parents or just kid-lovers in general, enjoy this video : )   (and then get your ass into the gym and crossfit!)

WOD
Sideways
150 Partner Med-Ball Abs
100 Partner Pushups
6 Rds of Sledge / Bearcrawls - 1 person sledges continuously until partner completes 1 full p. lot bearcrawl, that is one round. now do 5 more, bitch!
500M Row Each
Score is total time minus both total time for both rows

Putting It All Together...

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

We talk about The Paleo Diet all the time, which is awesome, but the official diet of CrossFitters everywhere is The Zone Diet, which is all about eating foods in very specific combinations and at very specific intervals to control blood sugar, minimize Insulin release and control silent inflammation.

Combine it with The Paleo Diet and you've got the ultimate program for optimal health and being able to participate in CrossFit and life in general in full out BEASTMODE!
 

This is a proper serving size...if you're a fucking giant.

 
WOD
Quad Killa
Tabata Air Squats - lowest number of reps is high score
1 minute rest
10 Rounds Parking Lot Sprints - Rounds 1-4 are 1/2-3/4 speed, then all out!
1 min rest
1/2 Mile Back ward Run - 5 minute time limit after which is penalties as follows:
5-6 mins - 25 burpees / each additional minute afterwards add 10 more burpees

How It All Went Down...

Monday, December 12, 2011

Congratulations to KEITH GUNTERT, our very first Paleo Challenge winner! After just 6 short weeks, here are his stats:

Lost 16 Pounds of FAT
Lost 6.5% BODY FAT
Lost 3 1/4 inches off his WAIST
Shaved 22 seconds off his BASELINE TEST (500M row, 40 squats, 30 situps, 20 pushups, 10 pullups-for time) 

Joanie Halfaker took the womens title, Lee benhart took 2nd and Andrew Pillman took 3rd.

Twenty seven started, but only 9 finished (meaning they kept their food journals up the whole time)

The after party this past Saturday saw a packed house to see who the winner was going to be and compete in a crazy team WOD that left almost everyone flat out on the floor for several minutes afterwards, with the Stone Cold Angels (not sure about that name, but you know who you are!) crushing the competition.

So it's been a crazy last couple weeks, what with the "Mudder" and The Paleo Challenge back to back, and coming up in the next couple of weeks we've got our last crazy drinking party of the year, the epic 12 Days of CrossFit! Details soon!

Keith meeting Pukie on his journey to Excellence ; )

WOD
The 300
For Time:
25 Pullups
50 Deads 135/95
50 Pushups
50 Box Jumps
50 Floor wipers 135/95
50 KB Clean and Jerks 16kg / 12kg
25 Pullups

The Party is TOMORROW!!

Friday, December 09, 2011

Just one final reminder that tomorrow, Saturday December 10th,  is The Paleo After party. Starting at 10am, we'll do a fun WOD and then afterwards eat, drink, announce our winner(s) and give away some cool prizes. Even if you didn't do the Paleo challenge, drop by, bring some food and booze and party with us for a couple of hours ; )

Also, I've got a couple ladies getting ready to graduate from Foundations class that have requested that I open up a 7am CrossFit class M-F. I'd be more than happy to do that if we have enough warm bodies (at least 5) so if 7am would be a good time for you, reply to the comments section below or shoot me an e-mail at roy@bodyconstruction.org ASAP and we'll make that class time happen!

See you all tomorrow!

Dominique puttiing up a 53 1/2 box jump that would make Tigger proud

WOD
CrackerJack
3 Rds For Time
Farmers Carry 32kg/26kg - P. Lot Dwn-n-back = 1 Trip
Walking Lunges - P. Lot Down Only = 1 Trip
40 K2E
20 Dips

Farmers Carry 32kg/26kg - Two Trips
Walking Lunges - P. Lot Down - Dwn-n-Back
30 K2E
30 Dips

Farmers Carry 32kg/26kg - Three Trips
Walking Lunges - Down-back-down again
20 K2E
40 Dips

How CAN I?

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

"It's not realistic to think that I can look like I did when I was 20 years old...I'm a 35 year old mother of three, for crying out loud!"

Yes, this was yet another "let me tell you why I'm fat" conversation that I had just a few days ago. I don't know why, but when people find out what I do for a living they feel compelled to tell me exactly why they ended up so fat that they haven't been able to see their pubic region while standing for the last 10 years. 

In his excellent book (one of my all time favorites) "Illusions"  Richard Bach wrote the passage; "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours"  and I believe that for many people who are not finding success in their life, that quote may just sum up their whole problem; a stinkin' thinkin' mindset that spends more time dwelling on "why I can't" when they should be thinking "how CAN I?!"

It's all about developing a mindset that allows you to see options instead of obstacles, and in the words of the immortal Sylvester Stallone " That's how winnin' is done!"

 I think NIKE should definitely look into creating some 3" tennis shoe pumps for our CrossFit ladies!

WOD
Fletch
5x5 Strict Press / after warmup, heavy as poss-same weight the whole time - 2-3 mins rest between each set
then...
For Time
100 DB Squat Clean Thrusters 35/20
5 Burpees EMOTM (every minute on the minute)

Focus On The Why...

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

S l o w l y  but surely the last of the food blogs made there way in and many of you have come in for your final retest to see your results. Already some impressive results, so this is exciting. I know that many of you started strong on this little Paleo adventure and then fizzled out within the first couple of weeks. If asked, I know that most of you would say you just need more motivation to stay the course, but maybe that's the problem...you're relying on someone or something else to motivate you.

I'll let you in on a little secret; it's never been about motivation or willpower, because those are both temporary fixes with short staying power, as you already know. True staying power for getting lean, healthy, happy and buff comes from within...think inspiration. When you're inspired about something nothing can slow you down or stop you, as you are being pulled towards it like steel to a powerful magnet.

Start spending more time focusing on what it is you truly want and what you're passionate about and then from there it's simply a matter of taking the necessary actions each and every day to reach your goals. It really is that simple; just remember to stay focused on the "why" and the "how" will work itself out ; )

WOD
John Cocktolstoy
500 Rope
25 Wallball
400 Rope
50 Wallball
300 Rope
100 Wallball 
Warmup
5 MIns to find Double Under PR / 5 Mins active stretching

You Have Till Wednesday at 3:30pm...

Monday, December 05, 2011

I was walking like I'd been violated and left for dead in the woods.

That was me the day after The Tough Mudder, held this past weekend. My hIp flexors were toast at mile nine of the race, so the last 2 1/2 miles after that were just abuse, pure and simple. Since I didn't run at all to prepare for this race, however, I am proud of the fact that mentally, strength-wise and cardio-wise I was great the whole time, which proved to me that CrossFit training alone will pretty much prepare you for just about anything.

I'd like to give a big shout-out to everyone from Body Construction that participated; great job...you guys rock! You are the people in the world who live their dreams instead of talking about them, face your fears instead of running from them, and who understand that almost all limitations are self imposed. Hoo-Ra!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Paleo Challenge is almost over...woo-hoo! For those of you that have kept up with your diaries (which are due today...get em' in or else!) you need to get your butt in here today or tomorrow to get your final measurements, bodyfat, after pics and baseline done. I am here from 6am till 4pm today and tomorrow, and since this e-mail is a little late going out I'll extend the deadline to Wednesday at 3:30pm to get in and get retested. 

For those of you that work during the day or live outside of Tampa, do whatever it takes to get in during the allotted times. I'm the only one doing the retesting, so make the effort. And don't whine about it being inconvenient...you knew 6 weeks in advance when the retest days and times were so you've had plenty of time to make arrangements...DO IT!

Lastly, this Saturday Dec 10th at 10am will be our results party. We're going to be giving away a lot of cool prizes, doing a great workout and of course announcing the winners of The Paleo Challenge. As you know, we catered the first event to kind of jump start you...show you how good Paleo food can taste. For this party we're asking everyone to bring a Paleo dish and your favorite alcoholic beverage...it's time to celebrate!! 

For those of you that didn't keep up with your food journal the whole time, it's okay...we still love you and want you to come to the party and celebrate with us. Bring your favorite NON-Paleo food dish (hmmm...PIZZA maybe?!) and some booze and you can still workout with us and potentially win some cool door prizes  ; ) 

I think McDonalds has a wrong idea of what The Paleo Diet is really all about, but if you're into that sort of thing, the price is certainly reasonable ; ) 

WOD
A Day Of Tests
Goibg for PR's in:
Air Squat
Pushups
Pullups
2 MIn Situps
500M Row

Marathon Sex

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Warning: The blog is a little racy today, kids, so it's best that you go elsewhere if your panties are easily wadded.

A recent study shows yet more evidence that exercise benefits your brain. 

Realllly?

Wow...who knew? Oh, wait...everybody who exercises knows! Pardom my sarcasm, but exactly how much more taxpayers money do we need to spend to confirm what we already know? Vigorous exercise combined with eating nutritious food makes you a better human being in a multitude of ways: faster, stronger, sexier, happier, more energy, sleep better, live longer, less sickness, less chance of becoming a whiny sack of moose shit panhandling outside of Wallmart for spare change to buy a bottle of Mad Dog, etc.

“Strong people are harder to kill than weak people, and more useful in general."
-Mark Rippetoe

In another study, researchers found that older married couples who have more frequent sex are happier. I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I'm pretty damn sure that ANYBODY having more frequent sex is happier. Honestly, though, it does bring a smile to my face to know that there are old dudes out there that can still get wood and take care of business, otherwise what would even be the point of wanting to stay alive if you couldn't bump uglies anymore?

I can't imagine a life that consists of nothing but running errands, watching Jeopardy and sitting around the VA talking about how great life USED to be. I'd rather be gang-banged by convicts with aids than go out like that, for fuck sake.

You work your ass off for 40 years and now you finally get to retire...it's time to party! When I'm 70 years old I'm going to be spending my free time kite-boarding, CrossFitting, practicing some triangle chokes on my grandkids and engaging in nightly marathon tantric Kama-Sutra marathon sex with wifey...woooooooooo!  

Alright, nuff said. Live your day with passion and have fun with todays WOD...Muahahahahahaha!
 

 Awww...he's getting ready to trim her bush for her... ;  )

WOD
Kelly
5RFT
1/4 Mile Run
30 Box Jumps
30 Wallball