Thursday, March 26, 2015
Virtually everybody says their goal is to "get into shape" but really, what does that even mean? Are you in shape if you have 6-pack abs but have to drink coffee or energy drinks all day to keep going? Are you in shape if you can run a 1/2 marathon but can't do a single pull-up?
Are you in shape if you can bench press your own bodyweight 10 times but get out of breath running more than a block? Hell, are you in good enough shape to save your own life or the life of someone else in a worst-case-scenario?
Think about it.
You're in the ocean and a friend, 50 yards out gets caught in a bad rip-tide and isn't strong enough to make it back to shore... Could you save them?
You're walking along the edge of the Appalachian Trail and the ground beneath you gives way and you begin to fall, grabbing a branch at the last second. You are dangling 1000 feet in the air...could you pull yourself back up?
You hear a scream and find your 3 year old child pinned beneath a 300 pound credenza that has tipped over and fallen on him while he was playing...could you lift it off him?
And of course we all know it's just a matter of time until the Zombie Apocalypse really happens, and I think you're making a huge mistake if you think they're all going to be slow and ponderous, like in the "Walking Dead" TV show. More like the ones that freaking sprint in "Zombieland" or "I am Legend", me thinks.
But I digress.
I think you get my point...shit happens, and in more cases than you'd care to know, people have died needlessly because they (or their friends) were lacking the strength, speed, stamina or some other physical skill that was so desperately needed in that moment. So I propose a world-wide standard...a new benchmark of sorts that will, once and for all, put everybody on the same page for what you should be striving for in the gym above and beyond the obvious desire to just look better naked.
What follows is the definitive list of what every man and woman should be able to do...the seven attributes that every person should possess that could save you or a loved one from a fire, a tsunami, an angry mob, a day at the beach or the mountains gone bad, or, God forbid...the End of The World.
THE LIFE SAVING SEVEN
1. 15 Dead-Hang Pullups
2. 25 Body-Weight Dips
3. 100 Air Squats, ass-to-the-grass, without stopping
4. Jump over an object the height of your own waist
5. Swim a half-mile in open water
6. Sprint the length of 2 football fields at full speed
7. Deadlift double your body weight
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